Ant bhala toh sab bhala!

Today is the last day of 2008..i look back an realize what an year it was...theres a part of me that screaming inside and saying never ever return me back this year in my life ever again...then theres another one that says it tested your limits of endurance..wud u ever noe u had so much strength inside you if this year had never come?
Rite..it def tested my strength..and guess what..i came out as a winner throughout..there were times when i wud just want to give up..times when i wud go to sleep wishing to never wake up...but now when i look back i realize what it made me..i cud never be what i am today had i not gone thru everything i went thru in tht year...
The year started with me coming to terms with his memory loss..me searching within him to find the guy i had once known n luved for wat he was..however hard i tried i cudnt....i realized he had ceased to exist anymore..n in tht one moment my world came crashing down.. i cud hardly come to terms with this loss and another one just awaited me..bauji was dying..my dadaji..the prsn i loved the most in this world and always will..i was his world and he was mine.. .i was his most luved grandchild...yes i lost the most precious prsn to me in the whole world ..then came another news...turbulence in my dads job..i was proud tht within some time i was starting mine ..i cud finally support my dad when he needed it the most..n then it happened...my job was no longer mine..the US Recession took it away..rite i was jobless..
2008 was an year ill never forget..for it taught me what tough times were...and in the worst times of my life i was all alone..i dint have a shoulder to cry on...i desperately needed support and i had none...for him i cried n cried...baujis death was the first i actually ever witnessed since everything happened at my house..i cudnt believe i wud never see him again..i cried inconsolably..the tears never stopped...and when everyhtin happened with dad i was supposed to be the strength of the family ..inside me i was totally shattered...but i cudnt tell that to my parents..i had to give them hope when i cudnt see it myself...rite..my eyes welled with tears when i was all alone... when my job was taken away ..all my coll hardwork gone to waste my morale totally shattered was when i told god..this was it.i had had enuf.i dint have any strength left in me...i really dint.
Yes the year changed me...totally...i thot i had lost a part of me that was never coming back...if theres one thing which cud carry me thru everything i faced was my faith in god..its unbreakable..it will always be..i mite hav complained to him at tht time..asking him where he was when i was facing everything..now i realize he was d one carrying me thru..
His memory loss happned..but i m thankful god u gave him life thankful to u that hes still alive..alive and happy..perhaps we just weren’t meant to be.
Bauji had to face tuffer times ahead due to his alzeihmers..god took him away sooner and relieved him of the suffering.
Dad..better things await him i m sure of that..i can see him taking steps to realize his dream..something he always wanted to do but never had the time for..i can see it happen dad..and something in my heart says it will.
My job..rite it was taken away but god ,you gave me a better one than tht..u knew i deserved more..
rite you never noe how much strength you have inside you till god makes u realize it..and at that time u curse him for making you go thru everything all alone without realizing hes the carrying you thru it so as to make u into what you wud never be without facing those expreinces.so have faith,it does wonders.
i m in cal at present.. calcutta m falling in luv with it gradually..its a peaceful city....it coincides with the peace in my mind.. i have found happiness here after a long time..and rite now without thinking of the future i just want to soak it all in!
So much happened in 2008 i noe...but kehte hain naa ant bhala toh sab bhala!
cheers to 2009!